I have a hard time letting Christmas go...

I'm having a hard time.   Today is the 10^th day of Christmas. And my heart is heavy.  1st of all it's this blasted rain.  I'm sick to death of it.   I will probably break with tradition and take the Christmas decorations down tomorrow instead of on the 12^th day. (Epiphany). I know some people can't wait to take their tree and decorations down and be done with the mess. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, but for me, I have a hard time with Christmas being over, period... so I'm glad to have an excuse to leave everything up for all 12 days of Christmas.    I like the lights and the decorations. This Christmas was hard. I cried a little. But less than I thought I would. I missed my parents. Here lately I've been dreaming about them still being here and getting into trouble. Like last night, I dreamed they wrecked their car. They were fine, just shaken up. But still, they couldn't recount to me how the accident had happened and I felt frustrated... like I would have been in real life. The other dreams I've had have been similar. Something has happened to one or both of them and no one can tell me what's going on and there it is again... Frustration. I think it's God telling me that even if they were still here, life wouldn't be great for them or for me. And they are in a better place. Safe. I never made it to the cemetery for Christmas. And since it seems to be raining now – non-stop since forever... I don't see me making a trip there any day soon. The stinking rain. I hate it. It's killing me – depression wise. I can't take Christmas ending and all this stupid rain. It makes me want to run away. But any place I ran, wouldn't be far enough from the rain. Heading to NYC in about 12 days with Mackenzie for her 16^th bday. That will be fun. Hoping rain/snow won't follow us there. Or the flu. Just feeling burdened today by a whole host of things. Christmas is over, I hate this rain... And I wish I hadn't been such a disappointment to my parents.