Wickhams & Willoughbys vs. Darcys & Brandons

In my life, I have chased a lot of Willoughbys. Why not? They're exciting, dashing & often quite naughty.  They defy authority and (usually morals).  In truth, without the Wickhams or Willoughbys would we ever grow to appreciate the Darcys or the Brandons who hopefully, will come our way and rescue us in due course?   I know I was rescued by my own personal Brandon about 13 years ago & I am ever so grateful he did...  A few weeks ago, I had a unique experience of interacting with one of the 'good guys'.  He was portrayed as a man of mystery & intrigue, but also on the side of might for right.  Imagine, if you will,  a patriot, a Kingsman, a Knight in shining armor all rolled into one person.  I don't know whether our paths will cross again, but I know while I was there - the excitement was palpable.  It reminded me of being young again, when my imagination ran wild.  I see in my own daughter her love, in fiction & film, of the Wickhams & Willoughbys... those bad boys from Slytherin House... We just can't help ourselves.  But eventually we realize that we are made for someone/something more.  Something/someone - better.  That's why we shouldn't give ourselves to just anyone.  God's plan is better than our plan.  Always.  I learned that the hard way and I pray my daughters learn it with less scars.  There is a truth out there.  God's truth.  From the very beginning, the enemy has been trying to get us women to believe God doesn't really want the best for us.  So he will dangle the Wickham & Willoughby apples in front of us.  And say, "Why wait?"  God's being mean to you... he doesn't really want you to be happy... he wants to make you wait.  Here this person is now... He's everything you 'dreamed' of."    But it's a lie.  The same lie really.  It's a bad apple.  And the moment you give in, and 'settle' for it you'll know.  You'll feel less than...  God never intended for us to feel this way.  His words are true.  Hold out for the hero - He will find you.  No matter what. 

"Expectation is the root of all heartache." William Shakespeare

Things don't always go as planned. I am the first to admit I am a 'baby' about things like this.  I don't do disappointment well.  I wish I did. One would think I'd be a pro at it by now.  Admittedly, I do bring things upon myself.  I make bad choices and I loathe to bear the consequences.  Yesterday was my 2nd mother's day without my mom.  I spent the day the way I wanted to - at the lake.   And I had fun for the most part.  But I expected somethings to be different.  And I was disappointed.  I have no desire to make anyone feel bad.  It is what it is.  The day came and went and no one said I was special or told me I was a good mom.  And admit, like the baby I am... that I actually I needed to hear that.  I am resigned to the fact that I was disappointing daughter to my parents.  I face that reality every day in the harsh black and white terms of their will and trust.   I looked on FB last night and read all of my friends' posts of how they were celebrated.  FB is sometimes a very hard place to go.  Sometimes it boasts of things that are only seen on the surface.  It rarely goes deep.  Maybe that's what blogs are supposed to do.  I don't know.  All I know is today, like many days...I am sad.  I am wishing for some other reality than the one I am living in.  And I don't know how to make that go away.  There is some quote that says, "Disappointments are God's way of giving you something better. "  Today.  I don't believe that.  Not sure if I ever believed it.  I'm happy Mother's Day is over and I don't have to think about for another year.

I heart New York

A week ago today I was in NY with my daughter and we were touring the 9/11 memorial.  It was a sobering sight.  But one I had wanted to see.  We spent 3 wonderful full days in the City.  Saw a lot but not everything, so we get to go back soon.  Already plotting a trip...  It was my 4th trip to the beautiful island of Manhattan. And it was a thrill to introduce her to my daughter for her 16th Bday.  If you've never been to New York, I encourage you to visit.  It's truly a 'character' in it's own right.  You can almost feel the pulse of a city that is truly alive.  Also - forget that you've heard that New Yorkers are rude.  They are not.  They love their tourist.  Most everyone I've encountered has always gone out of their way to be helpful and welcoming.  Which - in turn, makes me want to come back, again and again.  They are smart.  They are chic.  They are savy.  What's not to love.  And if you love movies and theatre as much as I do, then New York is a paradise.  Everywhere you turn, it seems you're walking by a building or landmark that's been on film or on stage.  It's like living in an alternate reality... which is quite up my alley.  Lots of great memories to be made here. And I look forward to making many more.   I <3 New York. 

I have a hard time letting Christmas go...

I'm having a hard time.   Today is the 10^th day of Christmas. And my heart is heavy.  1st of all it's this blasted rain.  I'm sick to death of it.   I will probably break with tradition and take the Christmas decorations down tomorrow instead of on the 12^th day. (Epiphany). I know some people can't wait to take their tree and decorations down and be done with the mess. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, but for me, I have a hard time with Christmas being over, period... so I'm glad to have an excuse to leave everything up for all 12 days of Christmas.    I like the lights and the decorations. This Christmas was hard. I cried a little. But less than I thought I would. I missed my parents. Here lately I've been dreaming about them still being here and getting into trouble. Like last night, I dreamed they wrecked their car. They were fine, just shaken up. But still, they couldn't recount to me how the accident had happened and I felt frustrated... like I would have been in real life. The other dreams I've had have been similar. Something has happened to one or both of them and no one can tell me what's going on and there it is again... Frustration. I think it's God telling me that even if they were still here, life wouldn't be great for them or for me. And they are in a better place. Safe. I never made it to the cemetery for Christmas. And since it seems to be raining now – non-stop since forever... I don't see me making a trip there any day soon. The stinking rain. I hate it. It's killing me – depression wise. I can't take Christmas ending and all this stupid rain. It makes me want to run away. But any place I ran, wouldn't be far enough from the rain. Heading to NYC in about 12 days with Mackenzie for her 16^th bday. That will be fun. Hoping rain/snow won't follow us there. Or the flu. Just feeling burdened today by a whole host of things. Christmas is over, I hate this rain... And I wish I hadn't been such a disappointment to my parents.  

Sovereign - Chris Tomlin (Worship song with Lyrics) 2013 New Album

It's called boundaries. Get some.

Wow.  Just had to block an old friend for randomly posting an ad on my FB page for something they support.  It wasn't offensive, just annoying.  Wait.  Come to think of it... it was offensive.  It was offensive for them to hijack my FB page and post their stuff on my wall.  When they should have posted it on their wall and allowed me the 'choice' of liking it.  Boundaries people.  It's called boundaries.  Get some.  Don't tell me what to do or what to like.  If I do - I will.  If I don't - I won't.  And don't take it personally.  We are all allowed to have our own opinions and just because we don't love or like the same things, doesn't mean I'm not your friend.  We can agree to disagree.  Ok.  Rant over.  Go back to whatever it was you were doing.  Or not doing.  Like not reading my blog.  Which I know no one does.  And that's ok.  Your comments are welcome.  If you're reading this... If not... then never mind. 

Do you have a place where dreams are born...

Not sure what all the reviewers/haters had to say about last night's, Peter Pan Live... but, personally... I loved it.  In fact... I would challenge that it's actually hard to hate Peter Pan.  Let's face it, there's a little kid in all of us who never wanted to grow up.  (Otherwise, how does one explain the success of Disney World?)    I remember seeing the production on television a child with Mary Martin, and then again later with Sandy Duncan, Cathy Rigsby...  And then later, locally with musical theatre production in my hometown, called Birmingham Summerfest.  I have to say, every production I have ever seen has always been quite magical.  But, I understand that not everyone 'gets it'.   I remember a particularly hurtful time that my 1st husband told me that "going to see a musical about someone who never wanted to grow up was the LAST thing I needed to do."   I'm pretty sure that a fairy somewhere died when he said that.   So he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he may have had a point at that time in my life.  I am a big kid.  I always have been.  I freely admit, I don't enjoy doing the hard parts of being a grown-up.  And if we're all a little honest, perhaps most of us don't.  I would rather hang out with my kids on the weekend's than clean house.  So...my house is messy... but my kids won't always be kids.   So I am grateful to this beautiful story written many years ago by Sir J. M. Barrie - that sort of gives us permission to escape from a world that is often harsh, disciplined & too grown-up.   

I have a place where dreams are born,
And time is never planned.
It's not on any chart,
You must find it with your heart.
Never Never Land.

It might be miles beyond the moon,
Or right there where you stand.
Just keep an open mind,
And then suddenly you'll find
Never Never Land.

You'll have a treasure if you stay there,
More precious far than gold.
For once you have found your way there,
You can never, never grow old.

And that's my home where dreams are born,
And time is never planned.
Just think of lovely things.
And your heart will fly on wings,
Forever in Never Never Land.

You'll have a treasure if you stay there,
More precious far than gold.
For once you have found your way there,
You can never, never grow old.

And that's my home where dreams are born,
And time is never planned.
Just think of lovely things.
And your heart will fly on wings,
Forever in Never Never Land