I have a hard time letting Christmas go...

I'm having a hard time.   Today is the 10^th day of Christmas. And my heart is heavy.  1st of all it's this blasted rain.  I'm sick to death of it.   I will probably break with tradition and take the Christmas decorations down tomorrow instead of on the 12^th day. (Epiphany). I know some people can't wait to take their tree and decorations down and be done with the mess. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, but for me, I have a hard time with Christmas being over, period... so I'm glad to have an excuse to leave everything up for all 12 days of Christmas.    I like the lights and the decorations. This Christmas was hard. I cried a little. But less than I thought I would. I missed my parents. Here lately I've been dreaming about them still being here and getting into trouble. Like last night, I dreamed they wrecked their car. They were fine, just shaken up. But still, they couldn't recount to me how the accident had happened and I felt frustrated... like I would have been in real life. The other dreams I've had have been similar. Something has happened to one or both of them and no one can tell me what's going on and there it is again... Frustration. I think it's God telling me that even if they were still here, life wouldn't be great for them or for me. And they are in a better place. Safe. I never made it to the cemetery for Christmas. And since it seems to be raining now – non-stop since forever... I don't see me making a trip there any day soon. The stinking rain. I hate it. It's killing me – depression wise. I can't take Christmas ending and all this stupid rain. It makes me want to run away. But any place I ran, wouldn't be far enough from the rain. Heading to NYC in about 12 days with Mackenzie for her 16^th bday. That will be fun. Hoping rain/snow won't follow us there. Or the flu. Just feeling burdened today by a whole host of things. Christmas is over, I hate this rain... And I wish I hadn't been such a disappointment to my parents.  

Sovereign - Chris Tomlin (Worship song with Lyrics) 2013 New Album

It's called boundaries. Get some.

Wow.  Just had to block an old friend for randomly posting an ad on my FB page for something they support.  It wasn't offensive, just annoying.  Wait.  Come to think of it... it was offensive.  It was offensive for them to hijack my FB page and post their stuff on my wall.  When they should have posted it on their wall and allowed me the 'choice' of liking it.  Boundaries people.  It's called boundaries.  Get some.  Don't tell me what to do or what to like.  If I do - I will.  If I don't - I won't.  And don't take it personally.  We are all allowed to have our own opinions and just because we don't love or like the same things, doesn't mean I'm not your friend.  We can agree to disagree.  Ok.  Rant over.  Go back to whatever it was you were doing.  Or not doing.  Like not reading my blog.  Which I know no one does.  And that's ok.  Your comments are welcome.  If you're reading this... If not... then never mind. 

Do you have a place where dreams are born...

Not sure what all the reviewers/haters had to say about last night's, Peter Pan Live... but, personally... I loved it.  In fact... I would challenge that it's actually hard to hate Peter Pan.  Let's face it, there's a little kid in all of us who never wanted to grow up.  (Otherwise, how does one explain the success of Disney World?)    I remember seeing the production on television a child with Mary Martin, and then again later with Sandy Duncan, Cathy Rigsby...  And then later, locally with musical theatre production in my hometown, called Birmingham Summerfest.  I have to say, every production I have ever seen has always been quite magical.  But, I understand that not everyone 'gets it'.   I remember a particularly hurtful time that my 1st husband told me that "going to see a musical about someone who never wanted to grow up was the LAST thing I needed to do."   I'm pretty sure that a fairy somewhere died when he said that.   So he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he may have had a point at that time in my life.  I am a big kid.  I always have been.  I freely admit, I don't enjoy doing the hard parts of being a grown-up.  And if we're all a little honest, perhaps most of us don't.  I would rather hang out with my kids on the weekend's than clean house.  So...my house is messy... but my kids won't always be kids.   So I am grateful to this beautiful story written many years ago by Sir J. M. Barrie - that sort of gives us permission to escape from a world that is often harsh, disciplined & too grown-up.   

I have a place where dreams are born,
And time is never planned.
It's not on any chart,
You must find it with your heart.
Never Never Land.

It might be miles beyond the moon,
Or right there where you stand.
Just keep an open mind,
And then suddenly you'll find
Never Never Land.

You'll have a treasure if you stay there,
More precious far than gold.
For once you have found your way there,
You can never, never grow old.

And that's my home where dreams are born,
And time is never planned.
Just think of lovely things.
And your heart will fly on wings,
Forever in Never Never Land.

You'll have a treasure if you stay there,
More precious far than gold.
For once you have found your way there,
You can never, never grow old.

And that's my home where dreams are born,
And time is never planned.
Just think of lovely things.
And your heart will fly on wings,
Forever in Never Never Land

The kiss... Yep.  You're welcome... that is, if you're reading... if not - your loss. 

A hard year...

Since October of 2013, I have lost both of my parents.  My mother died 4 days after having a massive heart attack in October 2013 and my father died in August 2014 of complications from COPD, but really, we all know he died of a broken heart, trying valiantly to live without my mom.  When I was a child, I used to think, if anything happened to my mother, I would die too.  It was a childish thought, but one, I firmly believed.  While I didn't die, I can say that my life is much smaller now without her in it.  I still miss her, every day.  Today is Thanksgiving 2014.  My 1st without both of my parents.  And while this was always a holiday we used to spend with my sister, we have transitioned it over the years to different places, and so it's not a time of hard-felt traditions.  Today, I am at home, with my youngest... who has been feverish with upper respiratory symptoms for 24 hours now.  I am sincerely happily content to be here, keeping her company & comfortable.  The rest of my clan is at my brother & sister n law's house having that traditional dinner.  This year has taught me - by God's grace - to be grateful in the small things.  For a home, a car, a job, albeit - part-time... (still slightly bitter about that...you can pray for me on that if you like... ) for my husband, who loves me, even though I make it hard to do so most days... for having enough things in our lives to be comfortable, safe and secure, for my beautiful, original, intelligent daughters who make me smile and fill me with joy.  For my sweet friends, who pray and love me both near & far... And last but really first & certainly not LEAST - for my heavenly Father who loves me just as I am, where I am, no matter what - who loves me enough to save me through His son, by His death on the cross.  So that when this life is harder than I think I can bear, I can know - This is not my home.  To God be the Glory - today and always.  Happy Thanksgiving! 

missing things...

I miss that.  I heard it tonight.  The music. a  message.  I remember it. A time of grace.  A time of idols. A time of redemption & mercy.  Grace.  Now I honor a covenant.  A new place and thankful for grace.