Things don't always go as planned. I am the first to admit I am a 'baby' about things like this. I don't do disappointment well. I wish I did. One would think I'd be a pro at it by now. Admittedly, I do bring things upon myself. I make bad choices and I loathe to bear the consequences. Yesterday was my 2nd mother's day without my mom. I spent the day the way I wanted to - at the lake. And I had fun for the most part. But I expected somethings to be different. And I was disappointed. I have no desire to make anyone feel bad. It is what it is. The day came and went and no one said I was special or told me I was a good mom. And admit, like the baby I am... that I actually I needed to hear that. I am resigned to the fact that I was disappointing daughter to my parents. I face that reality every day in the harsh black and white terms of their will and trust. I looked on FB last night and read all of my friends' posts of how they were celebrated. FB is sometimes a very hard place to go. Sometimes it boasts of things that are only seen on the surface. It rarely goes deep. Maybe that's what blogs are supposed to do. I don't know. All I know is today, like many days...I am sad. I am wishing for some other reality than the one I am living in. And I don't know how to make that go away. There is some quote that says, "Disappointments are God's way of giving you something better. " Today. I don't believe that. Not sure if I ever believed it. I'm happy Mother's Day is over and I don't have to think about for another year.
